Viviscal Helps Improve Helsinki Formula
The Helsinki Afondablet, the premier financial newspaper in Finland, is discussing a potential merger of Pantron, better known as the producer of the famous Helsinki formula and Vovopharma, the originator of one of Europe's most popular hair loss cures, Viviscal. Both companies are currently privately held. The rumour has it that the name of the new cosmetic giant would be Hackery and it is expected to become the fourth largest cosmetics giant in Europe and the largest firm in the world that specialises in innovative hair loss products. The plan following the merger is to list the shares on the Helsinki stock exchange and in Miami and raise around 1bn euro (1.5bn US dollars) in fresh capital. Pantron recently acquired a snake farm in Florida with an estimated capacity of three million tons of snake oil per year that far exceeds Pantron's current needs and would perfectly fit into the merger strategy.
The two companies have been developing a common product for the past five years and the funds from the capital increase should be used for registering and marketing their new breakthrough formula. The new remedy for treating hair loss should be based on the old Helsinki formula, utilising Vovopharma's state of the art, marine extraction technology. Representatives of the two companies could not be reached for comment. We have contacted Doctor Ritua Ilona Schreck-Purola from the Pathology Institute at the Helsinki University, who has been working with both companies on their common R&D project. She declined to comment on the merger speculation but indicated that production of the old Viviscal brand might be shut down by the end of June. This leads us to conclude that the new, improved Helsinki formula could come to the market in Q3 2008.
If you have not guessed by now, this story is an April fool's joke and it is not recommended using Viviscal to regrow your hair.